Game. Kivattsev, Kivattsev leads two games to love, first set.
It was the M15 Grasse Future in France, Dane’s first tournament in Europe of 2019, the first match, the first set, and the end of his first service game. Dane had trained extremely hard prior to this trip knowing he was now stepping up to play men’s pro events. At 170cm tall and a plentiful amount of mongrel, his game largely relies on being a tough competitor. He was 21 in the ITF World Junior Rankings at the time and thought he was ready to scrap with the futures dogs. That was until he was suddenly struck by an overwhelming feeling of hatred towards competition against Kirill Kivattsev RUS (then 508 ATP). He wanted to throw the towel in after losing his very first service game of the trip?!
“It was the beginning of the worst I have every felt in my life, 0-2, I remember thinking that I hate this, there is no way I can beat these guys, what am I doing here, I should just shake hands and go home”
Other than feeling out of his depth against a good futures player, Dane had nothing to rationalize why he suddenly felt this way. He was clueless. After losing 0-6 4-6, he attempted to squash the strayed experience with a feeling of optimism for the next tournament.
He travelled to the M15 Troisdorf Future in Germany and collected one bagel and one bread stick from Marvin Netuschil GER (then 434 ATP) 0-6 1-6. Pushing on, he went to the M15 Casale Monferrato Future in Italy where Franceso Fortl ITA (then 486 ATP) gave Dane the scissors, 2-6 1-6. He stayed in Italy to drop back into a Grade A Junior event in Milan with no success either, Alejo Lorenzo Lingua Lavallen ARG basically packed Dane’s bags for him, 0-6 3-6. And to top off the swing, the unranked Paul Woerner of Germany basically kicked Dane while he was down at the M15 Reggio Emilia Future in Germany, 2-6 0-6. The tour was soullessly crushing him week after week.
“I couldn’t help it. I felt like I wasn’t good enough and that I am wasting my parents hard earned money. It brought me to tears at some point during all these matches”
At every corner, Dane would urge himself to push the previous matches out of his mind and brace himself for a fresh start the next week. He had himself convinced that he was pumped and ready to compete his nuts off even if it meant he would end up losing love and love. However, this feeling was extraordinarily superficial. The smallest whiff of any competition adversity would blast all his intentions into oblivion.
A euphoric Grand Slam environment was the only thing that appeared to spontaneously revive Dane’s competitive spirit. He suffered two legitimate competitive losses, 5-7 6-7 to Martin Damm USA at Roland Garros and 4-6 4-6 to Harold Mayot FRA at Wimbledon. Unfortunately, competitive loses didn’t improve his state of vulnerability as he constantly sought validation from others around the grounds. He felt embarrassed by his recent results and thought others would be laughing at how bad he was playing.
In his last men’s event of the trip, the M15 Kaltenkirchen Future in Germany, Dane frustratedly kicked and fought hard to get his first win on the board, and it was a good one. He defeated the number two seed Zizou Bergs GER (then 429 ATP) 6-4 4-6 7-5.
“I was like, yes, I dug hard the entire match, I have found it, let’s build some momentum”
Dane goes out there in the second round against Damien Wenger SUI (then unranked), gets his serve broken in the first game and absolutely capitulates. Just one break of serve and Dane the Tank Engine was back with full steam ahead. 0-6 1-6. Quitting the game of tennis was the one thing he was sure of in that moment.
In 2020, Dane has got himself into a great head space. He has regained his core self-belief, he is motivated, working hard, loving being on court, and has passionately developed sound micro routines to help prevent himself from slipping back into a defeatist mindset.
How did that happen? Well, let us fill in a few blanks for you. Upon returning from Europe in 2019, Dane searched for answers. Initially he blamed his diet, but trial and error made him realise there was a much greater issue below the surface that a few leafy greens wouldn’t fix.
Finally, Dane reached out to a psychologist. It was determined that he was experiencing depression. This changed the whole dynamic of his experience and gave him some clarity. He learnt that he had never been satisfied with himself and that his happiness was always determined by results. If he was playing well and getting results, he felt good, if he wasn’t winning and getting results, he would feel like shit. It became clear how a bucket load of consecutive dustings on the men’s tour may have amplified the underlying issue.
“I have always been ridiculously hard on myself my whole life, sometimes it pushed me the extra mile, but most of the time it was to my detriment. I remember training with the National Academy in Queensland and hitting well until I was confronted with some minor adversity. I would immediately think ‘screw it’ and misbehaved or tanked. It wasn’t because I don’t love the game or that I want to be a pain in the arse, it was because I had no idea of how to handle not being perfect”
In Dane’s opinion, being open about his on-court suffering to professionals, family, and a great group of caring mates was the most valuable way to tackle the issue. Daily awareness mediations have also been key to instilling positive habits and have changed his perception to seeing thoughts as merely appearances in consciousness. Currently, his favorite source of information and guidance on these topics are the daily meditation application called ‘Waking Up’ by Sam Harris (author, philosopher and neuroscientist) and the podcasts by Jordan Peterson (clinical psychologist).
“One thing that Jordan Peterson said stuck with me throughout this process;
To find what you want is going to be the hardest thing in your life. In order to get the goal, you must slay the dragon.
To me, the goal is where I want to see myself get to, and the dragon is all the obstacles and distractions I will have to surpass”
The 2019 European trip was a wakeup call in the most brutal form. There is no time for regrets. In a clear mind, Dane believes without a doubt that tennis is what he wants to do in life. Losing matches and feeling like crap at times is now a welcomed element in the pursuit to reach his potential in tennis. At 19 years of age, it’s not too late.
Always Digging,
Letour
Chris found himself sitting in the basement of Skindiver Tattoo Studio in Gothenburg, Sweden, at 1am in the morning on the 11th of August 2019. Now 25 years of age, Chris had never gotten a tattoo but as he arrived late into Gothenburg from the M15 Ystad Future with tour friend Sam Taylor, he felt the compulsive urge to act on his recent thoughts of getting one. He already knew where he wanted to position the tattoo but while sitting in the chair, he entered a frenzy of over analyzing the specific options with the tattoo artist. What size, thickness, colour? He stopped himself. This was the exact reason why he was about to get this tattoo in the first place.
Due to a recurring stress fracture in his lower back, Chris had 18 months out injured at the end of 2011. He was just 17 at the time. His body couldn’t handle the heavy training loads during another growth spurt. Like a lot of players, Chris had worked extremely hard to get himself ready to compete on the men’s professional tour by the time he turned 18, so the timing wasn’t great, it never really is. Provoked by his time out of the game, he began to develop a hyper awareness to his body’s performance and response to training or competition which led to a core belief that his off-court training was to blame. A belief that would continue to strengthen as time went on.
He began testing out his newfound theory by slightly reducing the amount of weightlifting in his training program. It worked to a degree. He got himself back on court ready to compete during 2013 at the age of 19. Sporadic injuries continued to surface. At times they prevented him from either performing at his best or even forcing him to skip events all together. Learning from each injury, he continued to discover that the most plausible origin of all his injuries was still from off-court training. For him, it seemed to always occur whilst lifting weights or running, and in late 2017, Chris suffered another lengthy knee injury to his patella tendon during a preseason training block. It was the last straw. Chris and his father Ian O’Connell thoroughly investigated all the factors which had caused his injuries. They knew one certain fact; Chris had never injured himself on court.
“To us, most of the best players appear to be light, lean and flexible. Strong where it counts obviously, like in their core, hips and gluteus”.
A calculated decision was finally made to drop all core weightlifting and running exercises and a simple philosophy was then followed; Increase the volume of exercises that did not cause injury (i.e. tennis on court) and replace all off court exercises with a butt load of prehab, stretching, and body weight exercises. To say he was completely out of the gym is a lie, he was still in the gym but with an exclusive focus on injury prevention through predominantly flexibility and strength imbalance exercises. Chris dropped 6 kilos of muscle from 83kg to 77kg.
“Losing all that muscle weight, I felt incredible quick, loose, and my stamina was much higher. I also didn’t feel I as though I lost much strength either because I was on court a lot more, and by being on court more often I felt that I naturally strengthened the areas I needed to strengthen for playing tennis”.
Heading into 2019 at 1177 ATP, Chris had never felt so good about his body. Guess how many physical goals he set for himself? One! To keep his ass on tour injury free. That was it! No strength or conditioning testing. He was quietly confident that he could achieve his goal by using his new approach to manage his body. It would take intense daily routines to stay on track, something Chris knew he could execute for three reasons. Firstly, he whole heartedly believed in his new approach. Secondly, he was always good with routines, almost too good, semi OCD. Lastly, he loves music and knew that he would happily listen to an entire album each time he needed to do an injury prevention session.
He listened to a lot of music; it almost became an overload of injury prevention sessions. Before every breakfast, before every on-court session, after every on-court session, and before he went to sleep each night. The first thing Chris would do upon entering a hotel room was find a place to lay down his stretching towel and place all his TheraBand’s and trigger point balls on top of the towel. It was not only practical, but it also served as a visual reminder for him the entire week.
“Whether completely true or not, I remember being told that Djokovic is constantly stretching, even whilst talking with friends or waiting in line for food he would still be stretching his calve muscles or something. I really took that approach on board with me as I got back on tour again”.
What happens from here is ridonculous. Starting at the M15 Mornington Future AUS on the 18th of March 2019, Chris commences his run of 5 back to back final appearances in a row, winning in his fifth final at the M15 Antalya Future in Turkey. He then goes to Bosnia, wins the M25 Doboj Future, makes a final in M15 Brcko Future and backs it up with another final in the M25 Kiselijak Future. Next, he travels to Hungary where he wins the M15 Balatonalmadi Future and two weeks later makes another final in Italy at the M25 Cassinalbo Future. Chris’s game caught fire, and he was still feeling mentally and physically better than ever. There was however one slight problem.
All the daily routines began to intensify the feelings of perfectionism which was driven by his mild self-diagnosed OCD tendencies. Chris had seen an article on Facebook that was said to make OCD people cringe. In the article was a simple photo of an incomplete circle. Chris immediately began to imagine how a tattoo of an incomplete circle would mess with his head so bad. Huh! Could it be good for me? Hence why he was sitting in the basement of Skindiver Tattoo Studio. As he caught himself in the frenzy of debating the size, thickness and colour of the tattoo, he realized it was the perfectionist traits simply getting in the way again. Amid a frantic sentence, he turned his head, closed his eyes, and told the tattoo artist to draw any circle he wanted on his leg and to not close it, no more questions, just do it.
He now had almost 14 consecutive weeks on tour, trusting his body, trusting his game, and coming out on top in most occasions. His self-belief was continually ignited by new positive experiences as he transitioned into the ATP Challenger Tour events. Defeating Tommy Robredo (then 170 ATP) 6-4 7-6 in the Sopot Challenger 90 in Poland was one of those moments. The stars were beginning to align. Even his new tattoo was fulfilling its intended purpose.
“In the first round of the Cordenons Challenger 90 in Italy, it was hot, humid and windy. I was down a set and a break against the world number one junior Chun-hsin Tseng TPE (then 354 ATP). I was hating the conditions, hating the match up, and on the change of ends I realized I had this ugly tattoo on my leg that I needed to deal with, just like needed to deal with the ugly match that day. It reminded me that nothing is perfect, and I ended up winning 7-5 in the third and went on to win the tournament. It was my first ATP Challenger Title”.
The year of 2019 became an enjoyable marathon for Chris. Each week he became a better player, and most importantly he remained injury free. He won 86 professional matches on the tour, more than any player on the planet for the calendar year. It resulted in a career high world ranking of 119 ATP and a spot in the 2020 Australian Open main draw where he handed the world number 16 Andrey Rublev RUS a scrumptious donut in the second before unfortunately going down in a tight four setter, 3-6 6-0 4-6 6-7.
Right now, it’s all about the 1% improvements to get into the world’s top 100 and beyond. Is lifting weights and running again required to achieve those micro improvements? Possibly, it’s something Chris contemplates, but he clearly remains on an upward trajectory that is undoubtedly attributed to the unique path he carved for himself. It’s not for everyone. The same goes for the tattoo he Google’s how to remove from his leg almost every week. Why change anything just yet?
Always Digging,
Letour
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7-5 2-6 6-5 on serve. Greg Jones AUS (then ranked 303 ATP) found himself battling on a knives edge with Ante Pavic CRO (then ranked 497 ATP) in the first round of qualifying at the Guadalajara Challenger 100 in April 2013. It was midday, 30 plus degrees, both players well over 190cm tall and serving rockets at 1566m altitude with sea level balls. They hadn’t had a sniff in each other’s services games the entire third set.
While hydrating himself on the change of ends, Greg vaguely observed beyond the end of his water bottle that the tournament organizers were scurrying around in the grandstands. They were trying to prepare everything for the start of the event, the main draw. It’s comical at times. Players 300 in the world being made to feel like they are the AFL Auskick kids having a run around on the grounds while everyone gets their shit together before the real match begins. Greg accustomed to this occurring at ATP Challengers remained unphased and in the zone. He was eager to apply some more pressure on his opponent in the next game and gave himself a quick pep talk before springing out of the chair to return serve.
On the first point of the game, Pavic misses his first serve. Jones moves up his return position, guesses left, and crushes a backhand return line. Pavic being extremely rushed for time, scoops up a backhand off his toes as he falls off the shot. It’s a floating sitter for Jones inside the service line. Jones moves forward up the court with his forehand prepared to put it away oh yeah yeah, oh yeah yeah yeah yeah, uh! Oh yeah yeah, oh yeah yeah yeah yeah, uh! Never had much faith in love or miracles, uh! Are you a little confused about what just happened? That’s how Greg felt as Locked Out of Heaven by Bruno Mars suddenly starting blaring over the loudspeakers throughout the stadium court. Replay the point, first serve. Greg spots the tournament organisers who are now inside one of the glass commentators’ boxes obviously doing sound testing. Trying to process the chucklesome interruption, Greg and Pavic got ready to replay the point. Bang, ace, a flat bomb tee. Greg barely saw it.
“0-15 in a big game at the end of the final set would have been something at least to place doubt in his mind, up until that moment the returners had struggled to win any points against the server. It was a weird situation to initially process, I didn’t really react, but I also didn’t really know whether I was quietly snapping inside or seeing the funny side of it. In the end I remember thinking, ok, it was only the first point on his serve, no biggy, let’s go”.
In a moment of regained clarity, Jones reminds himself about the importance of creating a strong presence at this stage of the match. He began throwing in all the classic altitude bluffs. Changing his return positions, intensely waiting on his toes and dropping niggly fist pumps when he snagged a scrappy point. Naturally, his level of grunting also increased as he vocalized his effort on every shot. It was the whole kitchen sink. The energy was high, everyone could feel it, and it paid off for Greg. 30-40, match point.
Pavic’s first serve hits the net tap which ricochets the ball high up into the air. It almost clips the tape on its way down again, but it misses and lands back on Pavic’s side of the court. There was a large breath of warm swirling air that suddenly picked up within the stadium. The ball boy leisurely runs across the court and misjudges both the movement of ball in the wind and the spin the ball generated as it came off the net tape. He fumbles its few times. It all took a little longer than usual. For Pavic, the normal rhythm in between his first and second serve had been undesirably broken.
“Here we go, I could be in for a little double fault here, it’s hard enough to hit second serves in altitude as it is, and now he is match point down, rhythm broken, with some swirling wind. Don’t think like that, I’ve got this, I want the ball, let’s commit”.
Re-correcting these internal thoughts within split seconds, he edges his return position slightly forward to receive the second serve. Pavic composes himself, bounces the ball, looks towards the service box oh yeah yeah, oh yeah yeah yeah yeah, uh! Oh yeah yeah, oh yeah yeah yeah yeah, uh! Never had much faith in love or miracles, uh! Did you read the first three words and know exactly what was happening? So did Greg as he heard those three melodically composed words proceed to mischievously torment him again over the loudspeaker. His brain rapidly processing what was about to happen, he subconsciously grabbed a ball and belted it up to glass commentary box almost before the first ‘uh!’.
Bang. It hits the glass window and startles the culprits inside who are fiddling with the sound settings. Replay the point, first serve. Greg locks eyes with the chair umpire who shares a despairing look of empathy with him. You know those moments when you think you can read someone’s mind? This is what Greg thought the umpire was thinking during their extended gaze.
“What do I do? I can’t do it can I? I just can’t give this poor Aussie guy a code violation for hitting the ball out of the court given the situation, I don’t have it in me, I won’t be able to sleep tonight. I’ll let him go and just keep and eye on him. Yea, that’s what I’ll do. Damn I am good at my job, a man of the players”.
The umpire began to simply nod his head as if to say let’s just carry on. Greg breaks eye contact and silently turns to go get ready to receive another first serve at 6-5 in the third, 30-40, match point.
Ace, a flat bomb wide. He loses the game, loses the breaker 4-7 and obviously the match. It happened that quick. Greg recalls making one loose error on his serve during the breaker, but that’s all it took to lose the match that day. A stoic Pavic moved on to the next round as Greg contemplates a practical pat on the back for almost three hours of his undivided attention and effort. For the second week in a row he earned no points and no prize money. Inside, he was dumbfoundedly crushed.
What do you do? What can you do? How should a player be supported in this moment? These are very complex questions that commonly lead to a bucket load of textbook answers which forget to consider the individual personalities and feelings of each athlete. It’s not easy, and different players can effectively respond to the situation in very different ways. It is a controversial complexity worth further discussion.
Always Digging,
Letour
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Totally pissed off after a shocking three-week swing in Canada, Jacob had the option to go play the Lexington Challenger 50 in USA or sign into the Los Cabos ATP 250 in Mexico. It was the end of a 4-month trip, and he had already battled through the sticks in China, Kazakhstan and Uzbekistan. The experience itself was uniquely amazing to him. The ATP tour literally took him 5 hours from Afghanistan while playing a sneaky Challenger 80 in Samarkand UZB.
Matt Grills, Jacob’s slightly older brother had just flown in on his holidays. He delivered a simple ultimatum.
“If you go to Los Cabos, I will go with you, if you go to Lexington, I’m out, I’ll catch ya later”
Arriving into Los Cabos, it was crucial Jacob got into the draw. If he didn’t get in, the official hotel resort was approximately $500 per night for the non-competing players. If he made it in, the resort was all an inclusive stay, free of charge. He rocked up at sign in and began the hustlers juggling act of not checking into the resort but also having a hostel booked on the side until they released the draw.
At the exact same time, fellow digger Luke Saville (AUS) and Max Purcell (AUS) were playing a doubles quarterfinal at the Binghamton Challenger 50 USA. If they won, they wouldn’t be able make it in time for the singles qualifying on Saturday and Grills would wriggle his cheeky backhand into the draw.
Watching on live stream, Saville got broken to lose the first set 5-7 after letting go a routine high volley that ended up landing a good foot inside the baseline.
“Shit, maybe they both want to come here to play qualies?”
And before diving into any tennis integrity conspiracies. Yes, players cannot discuss this between each other, but it is a fact that on occasions players are forced to make a call whether they want to win a doubles match or not. The dilemma obviously being if a player goes deep enough in doubles, they will miss the first round of singles qualifying for the next event. Maybe another conundrum for the ATP to resolve?!
Saville and Purcell won the second set 6-4 and then Purcell dug out an ace to seal a 10-8 victory in the super tiebreaker. Grills celebrating in the hotel lobby proceeded to check himself into a swanky room at the 5-star ocean front luxury resort called ‘Solaz’. Game on.
Off the back of an infinity pool session and a baller night’s sleep, Grills comes out in the first round of qualifying and dices up former top 50 player Lukas Lacko SVK (then 227 ATP) 6-3 6-2.
Backhand against Lucas Lacko SVK, Los Cabos, Mexico, 29/07/2019
Why did he suddenly play so well again? His last mini break through match was now over 7 weeks ago in the Parma Challenger 80 in Italy where he defeated Taro Daniel JPN (then 110 ATP) 4-6 6-3 6-4. Was it the result of all the hard work over the trip coming together? Was it the lower expectations he placed upon himself? Was it having family support on the road? Who knows, we aren’t psychologists, and Grills like most players at the age of 24 is still trying to figure out a sustainable solution to be able perform consistently at that level.
Feeling stoked with a good win under his belt, he then had to swallow a tough loss in the last round of qualies to Dominik Koepfer GER (then 122 ATP) 3-6 6-7. After only one break in the first set and almost pinching the second set, he felt good about the match. Coincidently, Koepfer, three weeks later went on to make the final 16 at the US Open, losing to Daniil Medvedev in four sets.
With a handy $3715 USD and 6 ATP points in his pocket, it was more than he had picked up the last month. And the good vibes kept flowing. The tournament director and the resort administration agreed to give all players on the lucky loser list three more nights’ accommodation free of charge. Normally this is reserved for only the number one priority loser. Grills was the lowest ranked on the list and had close to zero chance of getting in but was nevertheless loving those extra nights of free accom.
The next day while watching Grigor Dimitrov BUL (then 53 ATP) play Steve Johnson USA (then 94 ATP) in the main draw, two stunners in the crowd got up to leave the stadium before asking Grills if the match was over. He informed them it was only the end of the first set, and the conversation began from there.
One of the girls mentioned she was an actress and had just finished writing a movie to which Grills without having a clue in the world who she was replied;
“Oh nice, maybe one day we might get to see you on TV”
Later, during a private boat trip with the girls, he eventually figured out that one of them was Canadian actress and singer-songwriter Jessica Lowndes from 90210. Grills had never seen an episode but had heard of the show. It ended up being a belter of a time.
Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, Sydne Summer, Jessica Lowndes, Jacob Grills, Matt Grills.
Being the first week that his brother Matt had ever been on the tennis tour, he enviously thought that this was a standard week in the life of his journeyman brother. Lol.
The honest reality is that these tasteful fruits are carefully positioned at the top of the ATP tree. It’s only these events and players that the rest of the world cares about and pays attention too. It’s not the fans fault, nor the players fault either, it comes down to two things; money and marketing.
Upon the reflection of Grills’s trip in 2019, it was the ticker, the grind, and the enjoyment of wildly contrasting experiences that made this part of the story worth telling. It wouldn’t make any sense otherwise.
Always Digging,
Letour
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